In outer-space, orbiting Elfmoon, which in itself turned about Tadisaga – Snuggle Nook, flew a star-ship, the Millenia Falcon. On board was the Nipponese Brother of Mysteries (a level 5 monk) Ezekiel. He trained intensely (levelling up from level 4) in the secret traning holo-suite compartment nestled within the Millenia Falcon, that only the monks of Celestine knew of. Including Valraven a Disciple (a level 6 monk) from Chi-Kung. Who was sleeping at this time flying through the Cosmos, away from Tadisaga. (In this smugglers secret storage space is a collapsable solar-sail, a set of oars, and two Bracers of the Eastern Fist which allows monks to use their strikes as magic weapons, [one] plus one for every ten levels they have). In the opposite bunk slept Loftbruk, the level 1 barbarian from Dænor.
From chryogen’ storage (the ships Hold of Holding, the Meat-Locker) awoke Alfar the level 1 grey-elf battle-mage. Sent from Elfmoon as an emissary, he was the ships pilot, the wizard at the tiller of the Space-Jam’ helm’. The monks of Celestine have been tasked with sending an envoy to the farthest reach of the Galaxy, beyond the outer rim; to find the whispered rumour of an exiled dwarven homeworld , near which is said to exist the halfling-thug pirate planet, as well as the planet of the gnomes.
Onboard the Falcon were Morris Baggins, last of the hobbits of Berenshire. With him was Old Joe Ironhand, last of the Gærdal-Titans. Both on a mission to find their brethren, after the war of the Nook swept throughout Tadisaga.
Only gnome-titans of Tadisaga exist now. Since Pangellia and O’Finniga swept clean the face of the western continent on Snuggle-Nook. No-one there now lived, who was not either Elfæ-kindred, forest gnome, or gnome-titan of Pangrus; and so, the monastic order of Celestine, charged the strangers; the adventurers, to take this space-ship beyond the stars, and find the gnome and hobbit brethren.
Needless to say both these quest-related NPCs stayed in the Hold of Holding throughout this first session, as they were the last of their kind. Alfar’s familiar Mefaustopheles the jet-black cat lept with aplomb about the cryogen’ chamber as Alfar woke up with a yawn.
The small feline explained what the tome that Alfar incongruously stole from his strict school-master at the wizards Unseen University on Elfmoon, namely his Book of Infinite Spells was in-fact one of three powerful grimoires, that when collected together contained more power still, an expoential amount, the whole being greater than the sum of its parts. The black cat Mefaustopheles spoke thus…
“Hold, take this book, peruse it thoroughly:
The iterating of these lines brings gold;
The framing of this circle on the ground
Brings whirlwinds, tempests, thunder and lightning.
Pronounce this thrice devoutly to thy self,
And men in armour shall appear to thee,
Ready to execute what thou desir’st.”
In game-speak: Merge Coin Pile, Fools Gold, all Air Elementalist and Lightning (Air and Fire) spells, and a similar effect to the Horn of Valhalla, except with Knights.
While we were on the subject of the grimoire, the first spell Alfar learned from this Book of Infinite Spells was Cure Light Wounds, as well as any spells beginning with Cure, when he gets high enough level to cast them.
Valraven Yami then awoke from his bunk, meditated, and joined the posse. He and Ezekiel did not have an Honour-Duel as might be expected, thank goodness. Soon after awoke Loftbruk the barbarian and ships navigator. Alfar took the Space-Jamming Helm, mutually they decided to head eastwards towards the outer reaches of the Universe. Two planets relatively nearby flipped up on the scanners, as did a vessel. Giant humanoid space hamsters, who they ignored after an Attitude Adjustment via video link to them by Valraven. This couldn’t have happened at a more fortuotous time, as Alfar fell asleep with his narcolepsy then and there, whilst still piloting the ship. (This happened several times during the session). His sound-sleeper quirk meant he couldn’t wake up, the Millenia Falcon was stuck on a straight course. Eventually the monks woke him up, slapped him about a bit, with temporary damage. Towards the close of the adventure Alfar realized he could resist sleep and charm being an elf.
The one planet nearby was but a rock, an asteroid circling a larger planet of unknown origin. Alfar took them into closing distance of the planet, which, as it happens was a gas giant. On the way there they spied a shoal of placid space Phish, then, as they neared the centre of the planet, a half a thousand magically animated scimitars came flying towards them! Alfar immediately turned about, heading for the asteroid instead.
It didn’t take them long to get there, and after rest, the quartet of heroes disembarked. Slide music from the Bayou sounded akin to Firefly, the dusty planet looked just like somewhere in rural Arizona. A small bar with a Neon sign flashing, which read in Common (Anglyn) “Level 1 Adventure”. Once stepping through the saloon swing doors, the heroes encountered mainly giant humanoid space hamsters, sitting sipping drinks and squeeking. A smattering of demi-humans sat around the bar being served by an elven bar-maid. The owner, a gruff looking human (Ecossæ) polished a glass whilst nervously eyeing his crossbow mounted beneath the beer taps.
A halfling-thug asked them if the posse would aid him in piloting a ship and shipment to a nearby system. Valraven kicked his ass with some mixed-martial arts style moves right then and there. For some reason the juke box stopped playing music. Everybody went silent. The posse looted his body finding the keys to his space-ship, some gold-bars (10k G.p. each) and a starwheel smoke-powder pistol with twenty shots. Ezekiel picked up the pistol, Alfar the gold-bars and the keys. Mefaustopheles told him by meowing that the second grimoire is said to be somewhere about on this planet, that it was last seen with the captain who of late lay slain in just one round.
The posse rounded up the locals (the previous crew of the posthumous halfling-pirate) and pressed them into service after some persuasive talking at pistol-point, into the meat-locker they went, the ones not manning the ship. The second ship (the Kestrel had to be tethered to the Falcon as she had no space-jamming device on-board). The new crew milled about under orders, manned the ships, solar sails and oars, as the posse went out into the rocky planet surface. Not far from the bar, was a cluster of jowæh traders, their lamplike eyes, beneath brown hoods twinkled, diminuitive in size, they traded three droids. Valraven was not interested, but Alfar was. The first driod was red and cream coloured, looked, and sounded remarkably like Ar-too’s counterpart. The second automaton was a glitchy prototype, who obviously was malfunctioning at the time with a crackle and an electric nervous tic, our posse seemed disinterested in that one. The last one was a small rectangular grey driod, whoes purpose was for musicians and spell-casters as he had robotics arms which turned the pages of a manuscript. Alfar bought all three of them, paying them five times the odds. The jowæhs thanked him graciously, bowing, and promptly left. It turned out that Ar-Too-Dee-Two had a double-edged lightsabre bo-staff style, which Ezekiel could make best use of. The jowæhs also left a Forge (for burning magic items to fuel a star-drive in the Kestrel), which the giant humanoid space hamster crew swiftly fitted.
Another ship arrived on the suface of the rock. A larger vessel manned by a charismatic gnome freelancer, who managed to avoid angering the posse. The two crews mingled and talked. It transpired that an ancient crater on the other side of this asteroid that the gnome-captain and his crew had seen, was rumoured to house some sort of legendary grimoire. Our posse departed immediately, swinging round in the Falcon in the planets atmosphere, landing nearby the crater entrance of Vulcan.
Once finding the entrance at the base of the crater, the prototype driod (Sea-three-peoh) opened the tunnelift door bypassing the control pad. Once descended, the posse appeared in a steel-sided corridor with doors to either side of them. The reflective surfaces stood at least eighteen feet tall and wide. From beyond came the sound of someone approaching. Two ten foot tall dimension demons (greys) parleyed with the posse, wanting to sell these human slaves they had captured, or bade them leave there base as they have no further business to conduct with them. Valraven went to free the slaves, to which all hell broke loose.
It was time to roll intitiative! Boom! The monks got the drop on the gagwaller dimension demon slavers, slamming them with a flurry of mixed martial arts style special abilities, wearing them down. Between the two of them they managed to disable the hand of one gagwaller grey, making him drop his laz-pistol, and deal some serious damage to the other. The barbarian waded in there causing fourteen damage to one of them. Alfar cast a couple of Icy Sphere spells. Within a few rounds the dimension demons were either decked or running away. Attacks of opportunity later, the second one was down. The battle-mage dissected one with the Bonesaw of Optimal Yields, sending a lackey or two throw the body in the meat locker Hold of Holding back at the ship.
They looted the laz pistols and investigated one of the adjoining rooms. Inside was a strange device. Sea-three-peoh explained (he knows many languages and has a database equivalent to bardic knowledge at 50%) that this device housed here was known only once by the institute for monster studies. A recorded incident on Tadisaga by the Heroes of Kalaf. However this model here does not match the description of said machine.
Loftbruk sat down in the chair, pulling the visor down, wiring himself in to the seat. This hybrid machine gained him skillsets in gagwaller language, customs and etiquette, in an instant as well as simltaneously changing his gender to that of a comely (plus four) woman. Valraven gave it a go, gaining skillsoft abilites and transforming into a woman. Alfar tried it, he gained similar skills as well as engineering, also becoming a human woman. Loftbruk tried it again. He only gained the one skill this time but shifted back to male, but being changed into an elfæ! (An elvariel, half an elf, half a færie). Alfar changed himself back into a man again, risking the random machine which turned him back into a male grey-elf (who still thinks he’s a wood-elf). Valraven also risked it, transforming himself straight, once again male.
Meanwhile they happened upon a frightened dimension demon in a cupboard, unarmed. They asked him tell them about the place, at pistol-point. He did so under duress, leading the posse to a weapons room. Weapons were handed out between the PCs. They also found the legendary lost grimoire, wherein lay the positions and locations of all the stars in the known Universe, that Loftbruk took to navigate with.
A ten feet tall version of the character in Paul (that movie) kept quiet as the characters could now read fluent gagwaller writing, so could tell what lay beyond each of the remaining three doors. The next room was a teleportation room. The posse order their crew to dismantle it and install it in the Falcon, which they did promptly. After inspection, it transpired that the teleportation device was only attuned to short beaming down to and beam up to the surface of a nearby planet or ship. The only long-range jump through the Flow it could make was to the gagwaller homeworld of LV426.
Another chamber was a disintegration room, with what looked like a warp-core from trek, but actually destroyed items. That was to be taken apart, removed and reinstalled in the Kestrel alongside the Furnace. Loftbruk destroyed some magic items in it once he’d wired it up, earning him two-grand XP for being a barbarian. (Magic items destroyed in the Forge will only power the Kestrel, the new disintegration chamber however allows Loftbruk to gain XP as per the barbarian career description in the PHB).
Whilst down in the tunnels, the gnome captain and his crew had caught up with them, seeing the place looted, they offered to join the posse, who refused, so they flew off. The next door led to a dissection room, with nothing much of interest. Following the suit of the gnome captain, they too dusted off, and sailed back into space, on there way, after freeing the slaves once the coast was clear. This completed the quest, and the grateful slaves, now free men, offered to enter the service of our posse, who accepted.
Until the next time. Fare ye well weary travellers. The gnome planet calls, for the mysteries of the gagwaller power cubes and gnomish starwheel pistol recharge from them, a hybrid weapon, is what the posse need, to return and liberate Snuggle Nook, from the clutches of the leprechaun overlord, miscreant pixies, mischevious færies, grunge elves, and forest gnome-titan allies. Only the eastern continent of Al’qara Tur and Gyptia remain untouched by the axis of Regino-Finniga, Garagorn-Pangellia; hence King Prang-Ying and his council of the Celestine court (oriental spirit-folk from Chi-Kung and Nippon) have a vested interest in reclaiming the Nook in the name of re-establishing mountain gnomes, hobbits and dwarves from throughout the Galaxy, back onto there homeworld of Tadisaga.
At the end of the session:
Loftbruk made level two barbarian.
Alfar is now a level four battle-mage (MVP, by vote from the PC’s)
Ezekiel is a level six monk.
Valraven is now level seven.
(In the meantime here is a song I wrote in 2009 about D&D).
Playin’ the Game
Lyrics and music by Max Latham, Copyright Max Latham, all rights reserved to On the Flex Entertainment.
“Talkin’ ‘bout Airheads: Dungeons & Dragons,
Hey man: I played D&D to!
What’s goin’ down in groove-town?
Gettin’ D6 damage from you.
Played it cool, played it real but you’re gettin’ caught up in the game,
Won’t you chill out there on the side, relax lil’ brother: you’re goin’ insane,
Won’t you turn it down a bit, can’t you see what’s goin’ on?
C’mon now people we just gotta be strong,
Gotta get it together: what’s wrong ‘n what’s right?
There ’ain’t no need, ’ain’t no need to fight;
You live for the game, you’re goin’ insane,
And it’s such a shame it’s caught right up in vein,
You don’t need no fantasy,
Why don’t you get back to your reality?
Heal the world,
Make it a beautiful place,
We can have a good time:
Gettin’ off-a our face!"
Dedicated to the original Underground Home-Grown Crew:
(In order of appearance)
Evil-Overlord Sæmus Regino’Finnigan, Prince Garag Tog, Queen Maud Regino’Finnigan, Mercenary-Sergeant Old Joe Ironhand, Lord-Commander Osbert Torqen, Oligarch Berenger Baggins of Berenshire, Squire Paco-Jay Meadri, Lady Sophia, Sprite-Lady Keera Hemlock, Monks Valraven Yami and Ezekiel.